my new product would never get through Shark Tank

I developed a new product - here are the product claims (the perceived benefits):

Using my new consumable product

• makes you happy
• makes you fun to be around 
• makes you feel brave and confident
• makes you sexy
• makes you outgoing in social situations
• relieves stress
• relieves boredom
• helps you celebrate good times
• helps you forget bad times
• enhances a meal
• enhances your social status

This is great product and 80% of the population will use it - most will claim to use it socially, primarily on weekends, some on special occasions, and some will eventually become daily users.

To produce the product is low cost, it's basically decaying vegetable matter, or cooked and distilled cheap grain products and carries a very high profit margin per volume.  

THE SHARKS - "wow, that product sounds fantastic surely there has to be some downside, we need to know the risks before we decide"

Well now that you mentioned it there are a few things but we don't talk about them much because the claims (the perceived benefits) are socially accepted as the truth, and if you do not use the product you will be in the minority and be judged as having a problem, not using the product carries a social stigma.

These are just minor problems (side effects) of using the product:

• it has no nutritional value and could make you obese
• it is a registered poison in it's pure chemical form
• it is highly addictive 
• it causes dehydration even though it is in liquid form
• it cause cancer
• it is an anesthetic and can make you comatose if too much is consumed 
• it is a depressant
• it causes birth defects in the unborn if used while pregnant 
• it destroys internal organs and destroys brain cells
• it causes premature aging
• it will reduce your life expectancy
• it tastes terrible in it's native chemical form
• it effects your judgement and motor skills
• it can cause immediate illness, including violent vomiting 
• it can cause immediate death if too much is consumed too quickly

Please note: The highly addictive and dehydration problems are great benefits to the product if you are selling it to the consumer.  The poison and bad taste are easily overcome by diluting the product to low percentages by volume and adding in other taste enhancers to mask the terrible taste. In fact we have a whole line of products called mixers that we sell to go along with our new consumable, and we opened up a school to teach people how to mix up the product so that the consumer will pay extra for the opportunity to get the perceived benefits.

This is a no lose product.  While we can't substantiate any of the claims or perceived benefits we can advertise and use social proof as our marketing strategy.  Also the government doesn't require any warning labels on the product or packaging so we do not need to inform the consumer of the side effects of using the product.

THE SHARKS - "well what is the product"

ALCOHOL 2.0